Yes, I stepped on the scale before my shower the other day and had dropped 2 more lbs, I am dangerously close to my original goal now, like 4 more lbs!
In reflecting on getting back to the body of my 20's, I have really decided to celebrate all this hard work, and own the efforts it took to get me back here.
See, in my 20's I was really thin, even during the baby years, my body just liked pumping out babies, I guess, and was really, really kind to me in the aftermath of the deliveries. I definitely took the body/weight for granted, because in honesty, I don't feel like I did much to get it. Yes I was naturally pretty active, walking everyday with the babies in the stroller, and always naturally ate pretty healthy and really never thought about or obsessed about food...it wasn't a daily choice or struggle, it just happened and so I never had a good answer for when people asked me how I stayed so thin. Good Genes and being young, I suppose! :)
Then...dun, dun, dun duuuuuun....the 30's arrive...I have another baby at 30 which went the same as the first two, but then with the arrival of the 4th at age 32, I think I grew tired...ya think? I guess it was time for my machine-like mentality to cry "Uncle!" Tired, and in my 30's. Overwhelmed. Depressed. Totally inactive. Totally loving chips and cheese and whatever else looked good. Going back for 2nds. Snacking. Wine. Took me 18 months after Grace was born to get back down to my low weight of my 20's. Then, slowly let it creep up again. Then brought it down a bit, then slowly let it creep back up again. Thats where I found myself last fall when I was standing in the dressing room trying on jeans and had my "come to Jesus" moment of clarity and so far have not looked back 12 lbs later! :)
But I will tell you...since that day...I have WORKED MY BUTT OFF! Totally hard. Totally diligently every single day having to choose eating well and exercising consciously. It has not been easy! It is frustrating that it is not easy like it was in my 20's when it was a no brainer. But, somehow it is feeling so much more rewarding right now, because I know I deserve it because i have worked SO HARD for results! And trying to be less critical of the imperfections even when I am thin...yes, my belly button is messed up from my kids, no amount of working out or weight loss is ever gonna put me back in a bikini...yes, I have wolfe thighs that hold on to a layer of blubber for dear life, threatening to mask the build up of muscle underneath...yes, the eyes are wrinkling...the butt is falling...the underarms want to wave at you when my hand does. BUT, I am 37! and I have 4 kids! and I wear a size 4! and I am going to do a sprint triathlon in June! I am doing the best I can. :) I am going to be content with that. :)
The mindset to stay in this game is a daily struggle. Some days are better than others. I totally wish this came without effort, but that is not real life. Not reality. Most all good things come with effort, struggle, sacrifice, especially when we are getting older. :)
I am thinking on touching on depression in a post...anyone interested in my thoughts on that and how these last two months of a much healthier lifestyle have played into my ongoing battles? In a nutshell, it has greatly improved a year long healing process in so many ways. I am so thankful for that, too.
So my "life in flight" girls...one of you is particularly quiet.... :) I want to encourage you to make a decision every day. It is hard. Golly its hard. Some days are failures, for sure. I am slowly learning to not let those failures derail me as I have done in the past. Get back in the game...stay in the game. I think about 2 1/2 months ago and how I looked and felt. Now 2 1/2 months have gone by...some of the days themselves have been hard, but I got through them and kept pursuing the goal and look where I am now! We can do this! In spite of the hard work, it feels so much better than my old mentality of sitting around everyday doing the same thing and expecting a change.
Hang in there my buddies! I love you!
__Goose Out__
Way to go. I was feeling excited to see if I had lost any weight this past week but then it all went wrong on Wednesday with the tea and now I am afraid to step on the scale. I think I will wait another week.
ReplyDeleteIt is motivating to hear your story and remember how much better it feels to make healthy choices physically and mentally. I know that food affects how badly I get the chronic fatigue stuff with my endo periods. I have been feeling great lately.
Keep up the good work.